Recently, I attended a rock concert by The Who. In the middle of one of their classic songs, “Teenage Wasteland,” (Baba O’Riely) lead singer Roger Daltry, stopped singing, stepped back from the front of the stage and looked around the arena in amazement. Everyone in the standing-room-only audience of was singing, standing, swaying, and singing the song together. All were lost in the moment, thinking of nothing but the present . . . [Read more…]
Take a Break from the Routine
Tumbl Trak
Take a Break from the Routine
Doug Davis
This is the meet season—uncounted numbers of compulsory routines, day after day, in gym practice. Those compulsory skills can get awfully old, for gymnasts and coaches alike. Just for a break in that routine (!) think about allowing a certain amount of time each week or so, for playing with some fun skill parts that will be used later in optional routines, or for higher level compulsories. [Read more…]
How to Deal with a Bad Week
According to my daughter, “This week, so far, has sucked.”
Yesterday, she cracked the screen of her phone for the third time this year. she broke her favorite sunglasses today, and a malevolent bird decided to relieve itself on the windshield of her car. Later, she decided to cheer herself up with her favorite smoothie, only to spill nearly all of it down the front or her shirt once she got home. All of these unfortunate events, compounded with the fact that she is doing much more poorly in her favorite class than I would like. This week it is enough to make her feel like a walking Murphy’s Law. While these events may not seem very significant or even that bad, they have made for an absolutely miserable week in the life of this melodramatic teenager.
Usually, if this string of events were to happen, she’d react with the typical teenage quick fix: mope and whine and make angsty tweets about her misfortune. This approach, while cathartic, is not a very healthy way to deal with the effects of a bad week. So this time, I have not let her unhappiness get the better of me, and I have come up with three key ways to help her keep her cool.
1) Gratitude. If you stop for a moment and force yourself to feel genuinely thankful for everything you DO have in your life, the small problems will seem even smaller.
2) Unwind. Cooking always helps me calm down, so I bought her a box of Ghirardelli double chocolate brownie mix today. Even if you still feel badly afterwards, at least you now have a batch of delicious brownies.
3) Laugh at yourself. I mean, it just gets comical eventually. You trip and fall on your face, realize you forgot your homework at home, spill all of your lunch on the ground, get a terrible grade on a test… After a certain point, it seems like you’re starring in a remake of “Just My Luck,” except Chris Pine isn’t your boyfriend.
The bottom line is that we all have bad days. There is always a day where everything goes completely against your will, and you can’t help it. But we all have good days as well. What makes the biggest difference is staying levelheaded and keeping perspective, so that you don’t lose sight of those good days that already happened and the ones that are to come. I’ll end with a quote from the wise Lemony Snicket, who wrote, “At times, the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough.” So look hard!
THE ULTIMATE “DON’T STRESS” FOR TEENS
Gymnasts are over achievers in so many areas. Sometimes, it can feel like everyone in your class has had a boyfriend or girlfriend before you have. Or everyone else is getting straight A’s while you’re stuck with a C in Math. Or, somehow, you’re not doing high school right, because your story doesn’t look anything like what you see in TV shows or movies about “the best years of your life.” You spend countless hours in the gym and you feel you may be missing something.
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay if you feel this way — and, in fact, it’s totally, utterly, and completely normal if most of your high school experience doesn’t feel like one epic “High School Musical”-worthy song and dance number. But it can be survivable (and maybe even fun, sometimes), if you can find a way to shake off the pressure you’re putting on yourself to find a prom date, or that perfect group of friends, and vow to stop being embarrassed about the things you like or do.
With this in mind, I’d like you to repeat after me,:
“It’s Okay If You…”
Haven’t had your first kiss by the time you graduate high school
.. or you haven’t had a real boyfriend or girlfriend by the time you graduate. You may feel like the only one, but I promise you, it’s totally normal to experience this stuff for the first time in your twenties. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s not a big deal and you have LOTS of time. Think of it in terms of a new skill you are working on- don’t rush!
Don’t have a date for prom
The tv shows and movies you watch may make it seem like prom night is the most magical, romantic night of your teenage life, but in reality, sometimes having a date you don’t know too well can be a little awkward. And honestly: Not everyone likes dancing (just ask Zayn from One Direction) (Like my pop culture reference!). Don’t stress if the date-of-your-dreams doesn’t ask you to the prom in an elaborate Youtube-worthy way, or at all. Prom isn’t the culminating moment of high school. It’s just a dance.
Don’t have a “best friend”
Not everyone finds that person — or group of people — who “get” them in high school. If you ever feel like you’re the only person without someone to sit with at lunch, believe us when we say: even that person who seems like they are friends with everyone has had their day of lunch table panic. When you get to college you’ll meet a much more diverse group of people, many of which will share more interests with you. Until then, don’t stress – you’re not abnormal and you’re cool just the way you are.
Have never had a “summer fling”
So, you didn’t have that “perfect” summer job lifeguarding at the beach and hanging out with cute guys and girls all day, and instead spent most your summer working out in a hot gym sweating your butt off. Believe us: you have more in common with most teenagers across America than you might think.
Don’t have straight A’s
College applications are stressful, and sometimes the pressure to be perfect in school can make you feel completely and utterly overwhelmed. But guess what? Most people don’t get into Harvard, and they turn out just fine. When your report card comes, remember to take a deep breath and tell yourself that everything is going to be okay. Despite any pressure you feel from your parents or other people around you, it’s not the end of the world if you don’t see A’s.
Don’t win a senior superlative
We’ll give you our own right now: “Way too awesome to be bothered with something as trivial as a yearbook superlative.”
Listening
What kept me up last night started with my frustration with a person at the gym.
I know I tend to over analyze situations and possibly look for solutions where they may not actually exist. To look for someones motivation. When really the answer could be quite simple.
1. They are an ass
2. They are Crazy and in need medication
3. They enjoy watching the vein in my head get ready to explode
4. All of the above.
So my thoughts last night were on listening and the ART of LISTENING. We are in a society where there is so much constant NOISE.
We have become really good at blocking things out.
We have become good at hearing but not listening.
We have become good at talking with out really saying anything.
I try very hard to be a good listener. I think it is what makes me an effective coach and a good boss. According to Dr. Joe and Sue Massimo’s book, “Gymnastics Psychology” not only does your gymnast need to have you listen and understand. They also need you to TALK LESS. As a coach and boss I try to provide a forum for my gymnasts and coaches to come talk to me.
HERE’S a trick question. What do you hear right now?
If your gym is like mine, you hear floor music, coaches talking to be heard over the kids (and each other). The squeak of the bars, the thump of the vault board, the clank of the beams. It is crazy.
The slight trick in the question is that, by asking you what you were hearing, I prompted your brain to take control of the sensory experience — and made you listen rather than just hear. That, in effect, is what happens when an event jumps out of the background enough to be perceived consciously rather than just being part of your auditory surroundings. The difference between the sense of hearing and the skill of listening is ATTENTION.
The slight trick in the question is that, by asking you what you were hearing, I prompted your brain to take control of the sensory experience — and made you listen rather than just hear. That, in effect, is what happens when an event jumps out of the background enough to be perceived consciously rather than just being part of your auditory surroundings. The difference between the sense of hearing and the skill of listening is ATTENTION.
Hearing is a vastly underrated sense.
We tend to think of the world as a place that we see, interacting with things and people based on how they look. Studies have shown that conscious thought takes place at about the same rate as visual recognition, requiring a significant fraction of a second per event. But hearing is a quantitatively faster sense. While it might take you a full second to notice something out of the corner of your eye, turn your head toward it, recognize it and respond to it, the same reaction to a new or sudden sound happens at least 10 times as fast.
This is because hearing has evolved as our alarm system — it operates out of line of sight and works even while you are asleep. And because there is no place in the universe that is totally silent, your auditory system has evolved a complex and automatic “volume control,” fine-tuned by development and experience, to keep most sounds off your cognitive radar unless they might be of use as a signal that something dangerous or wonderful is somewhere within the kilometer or so that your ears can detect.
This is because hearing has evolved as our alarm system — it operates out of line of sight and works even while you are asleep. And because there is no place in the universe that is totally silent, your auditory system has evolved a complex and automatic “volume control,” fine-tuned by development and experience, to keep most sounds off your cognitive radar unless they might be of use as a signal that something dangerous or wonderful is somewhere within the kilometer or so that your ears can detect.
This is where attention kicks in.
Attention is not some monolithic brain process. There are different types of attention, and they use different parts of the brain. The sudden loud noise that makes you jump activates the simplest type: the startle. A chain of five neurons from your ears to your spine takes that noise and converts it into a defensive response in a mere tenth of a second — elevating your heart rate, hunching your shoulders and making you cast around to see if whatever you heard is going to pounce and eat you. This simplest form of attention requires almost no brains at all and has been observed in every studied vertebrate.
More complex attention kicks in when you hear your name called from across a room or hear an unexpected birdcall from inside a subway station. This stimulus-directed attention is controlled by pathways through the temporoparietal and inferior frontal cortex regions, mostly in the right hemisphere — areas that process the raw, sensory input, but don’t concern themselves with what you should make of that sound. (Neuroscientists call this a “bottom-up” response.)
But when you actually pay attention to something you’re listening to, whether it is your favorite song or the cat meowing at dinnertime, a separate “top-down” pathway comes into play. Here, the signals are conveyed through a dorsal pathway in your cortex, part of the brain that does more computation, which lets you actively focus on what you’re hearing and tune out sights and sounds that aren’t as immediately important.
In this case, your brain works like a set of noise-suppressing headphones, with the bottom-up pathways acting as a switch to interrupt if something more urgent — say, an airplane engine dropping through your bathroom ceiling — grabs your attention.
More complex attention kicks in when you hear your name called from across a room or hear an unexpected birdcall from inside a subway station. This stimulus-directed attention is controlled by pathways through the temporoparietal and inferior frontal cortex regions, mostly in the right hemisphere — areas that process the raw, sensory input, but don’t concern themselves with what you should make of that sound. (Neuroscientists call this a “bottom-up” response.)
But when you actually pay attention to something you’re listening to, whether it is your favorite song or the cat meowing at dinnertime, a separate “top-down” pathway comes into play. Here, the signals are conveyed through a dorsal pathway in your cortex, part of the brain that does more computation, which lets you actively focus on what you’re hearing and tune out sights and sounds that aren’t as immediately important.
In this case, your brain works like a set of noise-suppressing headphones, with the bottom-up pathways acting as a switch to interrupt if something more urgent — say, an airplane engine dropping through your bathroom ceiling — grabs your attention.
Hearing, in short, is easy. You and every other vertebrate that hasn’t suffered some genetic, developmental or environmental accident have been doing it for hundreds of millions of years. It’s your life line, your alarm system, your way to escape danger and pass on your genes. But listening, really listening, is hard when potential distractions are leaping into your ears every fifty-thousandth of a second — and pathways in your brain are just waiting to interrupt your focus to warn you of any potential dangers.
Listening is a skill that we’re in danger of losing in a world of digital distraction and information overload.
And yet we dare not lose it. Because listening tunes our brain to the patterns of our environment faster than any other sense, and paying attention to the nonvisual parts of our world feeds into everything from our intellectual sharpness to our dance skills.
Luckily, we can train our listening just as with any other skill. Listen to new music when jogging rather than familiar tunes. Listen to your dog’s whines and barks: he is trying to tell you something isn’t right. Listen to your significant other’s voice — not only to the words, which after a few years may repeat, but to the sounds under them, the emotions carried in the harmonics. You may save yourself a couple of fights.
And yet we dare not lose it. Because listening tunes our brain to the patterns of our environment faster than any other sense, and paying attention to the nonvisual parts of our world feeds into everything from our intellectual sharpness to our dance skills.
Luckily, we can train our listening just as with any other skill. Listen to new music when jogging rather than familiar tunes. Listen to your dog’s whines and barks: he is trying to tell you something isn’t right. Listen to your significant other’s voice — not only to the words, which after a few years may repeat, but to the sounds under them, the emotions carried in the harmonics. You may save yourself a couple of fights.
“You never listen” is not just the complaint of a problematic relationship, it has also become an epidemic in a world that is exchanging convenience for content, speed for meaning. The richness of life doesn’t lie in the loudness and the beat, but in the timbres and the variations that you can discern if you simply pay attention.
A wise old owl lived in an oak,
The more he saw the less he spoke
The less he spoke the more he heard.
Why can’t we all be like that wise old bird? – unknown author
In the first few years of life, we’re all taught to speak. In fact, it’s an important developmental milestone, a sign that a child is developing normally. However, listening is an equally, if not more important skill that is often overlooked by parents, educators, and bosses.
Yes, we were all taught (hopefully) to listen to our parents and to listen in school. However, few of us were taught good listening—the active, disciplined kind of listening that helps us examine and challenge the information we hear in order to improve its quality and quantity, and thereby improve our decision-making.
Yes, we were all taught (hopefully) to listen to our parents and to listen in school. However, few of us were taught good listening—the active, disciplined kind of listening that helps us examine and challenge the information we hear in order to improve its quality and quantity, and thereby improve our decision-making.
Good listening is the key to developing fresh insights and ideas that fuel success.
Blocks to Listening (Don’t)First is a list of 12 blocks to listening. Try to honestly think about these to see which ones you’ve used before. They are pretty natural to fall into, and just a little awareness goes a long way in keeping them in check. (I’ve done a bit of mind reading and placating myself.)Comparing – While the person is speaking, you’re trying to figure out which of you is better, has more or does less in any way imaginable.
Mind Reading – Assuming you already know what the person is going to say while ignoring him/her and without bothering to ask questions to confirm your belief.
Rehearsing – No way to hear when you are practicing your next lines in your head.
Filtering – The only thing you’re going to hear is what you want to hear, nothing else.
Judging – You’ve already determined that the person speaking has no value for you, so you don’t bother to pay attention to what he/she says.
Dreaming – Something half heard sends you off into your own little world to think about a similar aspect in your own life.
Identifying – As someone shares an experience, you relate it back to your own life.
Advising – Before someone can explain, you are offering advice. You completely miss the point, the feelings and the scope, and leave the person feeling misunderstood.
Sparring – You listen, but only for something to disagree with, argue over or debate.
Being Right – You will rationalize, make excuses, shout or accuse the speaker of anything you can think of just to avoid being wrong.
Derailing – Bored or uncomfortable about what is said, you change the subject.
Placating – No matter what is said, you agree. You listen just enough to catch the places where you can agree.
Effective Listening (Do)
Now, here is a short list of tips to effective or empathic listening. You probably already do a lot of these, especially when the person and the conversation are particularly interesting to you. See if you can ‘catch’ yourself using any of these. Then, see if you can use them at will.
Acknowledge the speaker by being attentive, genuinely interested, alert and positive. Be in the moment and focused.
Show you are listening with “uh-huh”, nod your head, lean forward in a relaxed way, make frequent eye contact, and invite more to explore with open-ended questions.
Be a sounding board and a mirror by restating what is said in your own words. Let the speaker dominate the conversation.
CHANGE
Jamie Donkin
I am a very lucky person. I get to combine two of my favorite things, gymnastics and traveling, and live it everyday. Up until this fall I had always done so from the safety of my hometown. I’d get to explore, seek out new people and new places, new schools and new ways of thinking, and then go back to my comfortable place where these experiences would enhance my life in some magical way. Eventually I realized that these small ventures out into the world could only make me happy to a certain extent; I knew that I could not maintain such complacency with a soul that is continually seeking out more. More experiences. More knowledge. More relationships. More adventures. More of life.
When approached with the opportunity to coach at a new university in a new town outside of my beloved California, I experienced a moment of hesitation. This newness was far more permanent than my weekend or weeklong jaunts for recruiting or camps. This was a pack the U-Haul and get a new drivers license kind of change. This is also me acting completely different than that excited explorer I described in the previous paragraph. And that realization was all it took. What was I waiting for? Life is full of adventures, exploring and change. I cannot sit around in my cozy corner of the world and expect it to come to me. In honor of the upcoming election I pull a quote from Barack Obama, who said, “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change we seek.” This was my moment! My next big adventure. And to balk at this chance was to ignore that inner voice screaming for the unknown. An unknown that could possibly change my life.
So whether it is a new job, new school, or a new team, we are exposed to change at some point in time. But it is in that change that we grow. We get the opportunity to learn who we are, or, almost equally important, what we want out of life. I miss my old team terribly – they are what shaped me into the coach I am now. But this new group and new environment is giving me a chance to grow as a coach, expand my ways of thinking, and test that gut reaction to hesitate at the unknown. Have I felt lost at times? Sure. Is it taking a while to feel like I have control? Well, did I ever have it in the first place?! Probably not. So in the end, I accept that this change as part of what makes me lucky. I may be in a new place but in the end I still get to do what I love!
Jamie Donkin
Assistant Coach Utah State University
I had the extreme pleasure of working with Jamie at Gym Momentum Camp as well as The National Gymnastics Training Camp in 2012. She was loved by the gymnasts and coaches alike. Her work ethic, attention to detail and creativity made her a favorite. I look forward to having her back 2013.
Tony
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Parents, Coaches, Teachers & Owners – “Building A Champion” Part 1
This is a repost from Tom Burgdorf”s series of articles. Follow Tom on Facebook and check his website gymnetsports.com
Parents, Coaches, Teachers & Owners – “Building A Champion”
In the next couple of weeks I am going to write a series articles about “Building A Champion” in our children/students/athletes. I hope that you enjoy them. A couple of them will be written specifically to the children.
For me there are 2 types of champions, one wins when compared to others and the other is a person who reaches more of their potential than others. Sports provides us with many special champions from the little league winning pitcher in a game to Olympic Champions. The 2nd type intrigues me even more.
“Everyone” can be a champion. Each of us is an individual with special “possibilities” given what we were born with. We are not equal and we do not have unlimited potential in all areas. Our children are born with “possibilities” based on their desire, hard work ethic and yes, opportunities. We work with the tools we have been given to create a great life for ourselves. To me a champion is someone who fulfills their desires, dreams and the individual happiness that makes their life beyond satisfactory.
Part of growing up is evaluating your potential strengths with your realistic weaknesses or limitations. This is evaluating yourself to know what you are working with. I can’t, as an adult at 5’ 7” tall, work hard to become the World’s Tallest Man. Am I disappointed my parents didn’t give me what I needed to achieve that specific goal?
In my mind there is nothing wrong with helping a child understand the concept of limitations. It is what it is. As human beings one of our “negatives” is that we can’t be anything and everything. You can’t take a model car kit and make it a jet airplane. Life is what it is and the people who accept these facts may get ahead because they can then focus on the “real possibilities” for themselves and those they work with.
Yes, most children can get through many levels of math in their schooling but only some can max out Calculus. They have the building blocks to understand those concepts. Life is about improving your weaknesses and maxing out your strengths.
A champion maxes out what their parents gave them to work with. There are measures of some of these building blocks like IQ’s, sports proficiency, natural desire, eye sight and health and on and on. Each individual is challenged to “make it” with the tools we were born with. If you make a great life with the tools you were given, you are a champion. You win. If you get beaten down and look back at age 40, 50 or 60 and say “I am not happy with where I am,” you are not as much a champion for yourself.
My career in working with children has always been driven with a personal fear of them looking back and being unhappy. I wanted to be a mentor/teacher/coach/parent who helped trigger them to make it happen. To find what they were searching for and to grab it. I hope the majority of the children I have worked with are happy with their progress and are even today striving for more if that is what is going to make the next phase of their life happy and successful in their eyes.
A wonderful part of this whole process of growing is that we can all be influenced by others. Yes, the majority of our success has to come from being self driven but mentors/teachers/coaches/
Every child can be a champion.
Tom Burgdorf on Facebook (If you like “Tom’s style,” and you run a “for profit” sports gym, cheer gym, dance studio or sports program, consider becoming a member of his Elite 100 Sports Business Program. You can receive a sample of this program by e-mailing Tom@gymnetsports.com. This program is terrific for all year training of staff.)
Coaching Commandments
Many, MANY years ago I attended my first “real” gymnastics educational opportunity. I attended the REGION 6 Mini-Congress. In short it was a life changing experience. The clinicians were world class. I have never learned so much!
One of the clinicians was Dr. Joe Massimo, a sports psychologist and gymnastics coach. At the time I was majoring in psychology and his lectures were right up my alley.
In one of his lectures he spoke about COACHING COMMANDMENTS. I remember furiously writing these down trying to keep up. (This was long before Power Point or even video recorders that were not the size of a small car). I nervously approached him after his lecture to see if I could peek at his notes to make sure I didn’t miss anything. He said, “I am headed to the bar. Buy me a glass of wine and you can have them.”
That was almost 30 years ago and not a week goes by that I do not refer to those notes. Whether with a colleague, in a lecture or just with myself as I plan my workout.
Doc and his ex-wife Dr. Sue Massimo have recently released their collected papers, Gymnastics Psychology. I have finally gotten a chance to go through it and there, on page 39, in BOLD, is “Coaching Commandments”. Not only did it leave me reminiscent of my younger days as a coach, it also reaffirmed how strong those words were in my career and how relevant they are to coaches today.
COACHING COMMANDMENTS
- Firmly establish your authority.
- Maturely relate to your gymnasts, but not as a peer.
- Minimize verbiage.
- Have a sense of humor.
- Never utilize sarcasm or negativity.
- Be enthusiastic and encourage the same in the gym.
- Be fair in your treatment of each gymnast.
- Pay complete attention when working one on one.
- Don’t tell a gymnast that their work is “good” when it isn’t.
- Say “No” without guilt and “Yes” with out resentment.
- Pay attention to safety factors and be a consistent spotter.
- Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry” and “I don’t know”.
- Allot time for gymnasts to socialize.
- Provide a forum for listening to your gymnasts.
- Continually educate yourself.
- Delegate responsibility to your gymnasts.
- Be personally and emotionally predictable.
- Be a positive role model at all times.
- Be careful not to sexualize the interaction with your gymnasts.
- Motivate and manage team cohesiveness.
- Direct your gymnasts’ spirits’; do not break them!
- Have an overall positive attitude toward gymnastics and life.
Each one of these commandments is a book in itself. Anyone who coaches needs to develop a set of guidelines based upon your experience. Guidelines that you feel are important in you relating to your gymnasts and other coaches and bring about the best results.
Doc- you have changed a generation of coaches. I thank you and hope carry on. Many people have seen my lecture, “Coaches as Educators” and I am turning it into a book. I really should re-name it to, “Everything I learned from Doc.”
Now- GO BUY THIS BOOK.
Psychology of Superheros
While thinking about the nearly IMPOSSIBLE job that most gymnastics coaches take on on a daily basis I realized that most of you are modern day superheros. Doing a little research I found this very cool Blog by Robin Rosenberg. (The irony of being named Robin is not lost on her as she devotes her first 2 blogs to Batman).
Answering the question “What is a superhero?” Rosenberg states:
For purposes of this blog, I’m going to use a broad definition: Someone who manifests a super-ability or superpower and generally acts heroically-is brave and self-sacrificing. In fact, the dictionary that is a part of Microsoft Word has as an alternate definition of hero (not a superhero, mind you, but a plain hero): A person “with superhuman powers.” And Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines a hero as “a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability.” So the line between my definition of a superhero and that of a hero as defined by some dictionaries is a narrow one. The use of masks or costumes is not a prerequisite for superhero-dom according to this definition.
Following her definition, what coach isn’t a superhero? Every coach I know acts heroically, is self- sacrificing and I have seen some pretty superhuman spotting ability. Bat man may have his utility belt but every coach has a drawer in their desk or a shelf in the closet with a few random parts to fix any piece of equipment in the gym in a moment notice. MacGyver would be put to shame next to you.
So some hot summer day put on your cape and mask and take a few minutes to read Rosenberg’s Blog. It is pretty informative.
The Superheroes
Inside the mind of Batman and other larger-than-life heroes.
by Robin S. Rosenberg
A Message from Tony and Gym Momentum
There is nothing that can prepare a coach for what I had to do at my camp last week. I had to deliver some terrible news to a camper. Remember that we are teaching way more than just gymnastics.
[Read more…]
