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Sport Psychology Case Studies: Coaching High Performing Teams

March 31, 2017 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

This month’s edition of Sport Psychology focuses on how to coach a team that has made it to the Performance Stage.

Source: Sport Psychology Case Studies: Coaching High Performing Teams

Results are a main emphasis as well as the right amount of focus on efficiencies in technique and tactics. Coaches do not need to put as much energy into helping the athletes find motivation. They are self (intrinsically) motivated in this stage. The athletes are a tight cohesive unit performing consistently at their best. When unforeseen challenges present themselves, the leaders on the team take control by directing and supporting others as needed.
For the coach, this stage can be relieving. It can also be a challenge to change efforts away from building and completely toward adjusting tactics and game plans. The coach needs to remove themselves from the social aspects of the team and invest completely in the dynamics of execution in the sport. Here are some examples:
Performing Scenario #1

Situation

A basketball coach has been working all season with his team to find the right rhythm and pace of play to allow the individual strengths of each player to complement each other. The team is competing in the final two games of their conference before heading into playoffs. Throughout the season the coach has implemented a buddy system between veteran and rookie members of the team to create social unity off and on the court. The team also has a motto they recite in unison as they step on the court to remind them of their purpose for the season and the importance of today’s practice or game. All the athletes shared a role in creating it.

In the last two games, this coach is finding it challenging to step out of the role of team builder and controller even though the athletes are making plays and hitting shots consistently. The coach wants to tell the athletes where they should move and what they should do even after time-outs where each player on the court understood the play drawn up and their role. It is becoming frustrating for the athletes and they feel a little held back from the pace and flow that they would like to play.
Solution

It is clear that the coach has put in a lot of great work throughout the season. The athletes seem to be coming together at the right time of year and performing as a unit. At this point, the coach needs to allow the athletes to make their own decisions on the court. If standing during games adds to his over involvement and need to dictate to the athletes then perhaps the coach should sit. The key is for the coach to find a way during games to become aware enough to know what he needs to do to become more of an observer rather than a director. During stoppages of play, the coach should engage with the athletes to broaden their awareness of what’s happening on the court. The coach should also allow the athletes to share their own perspective in certain situations where risks were taken or mistakes were made. Perhaps the play would work if executed better. The main point is to allow the athletes to take over control as long as team play is emphasized and demonstrated by the athletes in the game and on the sidelines. Play calling will still be led by the coaching staff but the athletes will have the autonomy to make adjustments when executing as needed.

Performing Scenario #2

Situation

A college softball team has won their conference and now prepares for the college softball world series. Nerves and excitement are high with the athletes and coaching staff. During conference championships, the athletes played their best softball of the season. Now, the coaches are preparing for their first opponent in the world series.

While at practice, the coaches increase the intensity of their instructions by yelling louder and critiquing every mistake. The athletes’ body language seems tenser and their mistakes start to increase in the form of throwing errors and poor technique at the plate. The coaches are looking to find a way to find the high level of play the team showed the week before at their conference tournament.
Solution

First, it’s important to understand that teams will never play better than their best but they will play worse when the pressure is on and tension rises. Often, the perception of how important playoffs are to people creates negative impacts on athletes’ ability to perform. This team’s performance in conference was great enough to win and more importantly help the team play its best softball of the season. As they prepare for the first matchup of the playoffs, the focus of the coaching staff should be on support to maintain players’ confidence. One of the best ways to continue to be confident is to watch video of your best play. The team wants to continue to play at their best so it makes sense to show them what it looks like. Showing video to point out all the mistakes creates negative mental images. It’s the same as physical practice. You would want to repeatedly practice successful movements. The mind works the same way by wanting to repeat whatever is reinforced.

In the team’s preparation for the playoffs, it is also a great time to practice breathing techniques to help athletes gain control of their nerves. Put them in control of their situation rather than the situation controlling them. The coaches could practice with the athletes to model the behavior and adapt it for their own benefit. Breathing for performance is a gateway skill that should be followed by an intentional focus on the task at hand.
Recap

High performing teams enter a stage of development where they know what to do and have the confidence to do it. Tactical and technical improvements can be made but it’s best to make adjustments as simple as possible. When a team is performing, coaches can adjust their style to more of a macro perspective of observation and strategy. Put the right players in the right positions and allow them to own their performance.

After a season ends and a team disbands, it is important to add an element of closure. The Adjourning stage was added to Tuckman’s model to address these needs. At this point, reflection and celebration of the athlete’s accomplishments should be shared with them. A formal end to the roles and duties of that team should be communicated.

About the author: Brian Alexander is a mental skills coach who combines eight years of experience as an Olympic level water polo athlete, a master’s degree in sport psychology, and business leadership training and coaching from The Ken Blanchard Companies to partner with athletes and performers of all ages and levels. “My passion is to empower others to succeed in life, athletics, performance, and daily activities. My personal mission statement is to be a genuine and honest leader who collaborates with and learns from others in order to find a mutual personal level of excellence physically, mentally, and spiritually.”

It’s Time for a Change

March 25, 2017 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

It’s Time for a Change

Change is difficult but not impossible. I believe with all of my heart that there are some truly great people working at USA Gymnastics at ALL levels. From the National Office to Regional and State Board members and the volunteers who help put on all the events. It seems to me that USA Gymnastics has been a reactive organization for a while now. It is time for it to become more proactive. It is a lot better to avoid a crisis than know how to handle one.

Having a plan to deal with a crisis is a lot like having an airbag in your car. It’s good to know you have one in case you encounter a situation in where you would need it. It’s better to have a way avoid that situation.

WE ARE BETTER THAN THIS.

USA Gymnastics needs to become a more transparent organization. When speaking about transparency and anticorruption in government, Supreme Court Justice Louis Brandeis (1916-1939) said, “Sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants; electric light the most efficient policeman.” If USA Gymnastics is going to be viewed as a “clean organization” the first step needs to be shining a light on the process of reporting abuse and the past reporting of abuses.

I know that many people are rightfully angry. They feel betrayed by the organization that they have given their life to. The next leader of USA Gymnastics needs to do their best to reach out to athletes that have been harmed in our sport. To help them find a way to heal. To let them know that we love them, that they are part of our gymnastics family and we are here to help.

Leadership flows both ways. The people at the top need to set the tone for the entire organization. They need to treat people with respect and not lead through fear and intimidation. Those qualities will flow down to the foundation of the sport with how every professional should deal with their athletes.

AS PROFESSIONALS WE PROMISE TO DO BETTER.

Mistakes have been made. We must admit to mistakes and implement some changes.

Change 1. As professionals we can not afford to turn a blind eye and hope someone else makes a report.

Change 2. On the sets of movies and tv shows, when the actor is a minor, there is a child advocate on set making sure the children are not abused, over worked or just have someone to talk to. It would not be difficult to have an independent child welfare advocate for the athletes at all training camps.

Change 3. USA Gymnastics has already implemented the Safe Sport Program on it’s website. This needs to be made available on all Regional and State websites as well.

I recently took the SAFE SPORT TRAINING PROGRAM. Every participant in gymnastics and their family need to know that abuse of any kind is not acceptable and there should be a clear reporting process (Safe Sport also has this. I had to use it last week. It was not intimidating and I had a phone call back with a few hours on a Saturday morning). It is a good place to start.

I had an e-mail exchange with Vinnie Silber from Gym Blog Central who had some ideas about Safe Sport that I would like to share.

USAG is in the process of hiring a SafeSport Director but this position needs a team to help plan and roll out all the program parts. The Directors position at USAG is simply too big for one person. There will need to be a team to create the policies and procedures. In the past, USAG would roll out a program and then scramble to catch up with the demands of it. There needs to be a plan to roll it out in chunks. SafeSport courses need to be mandetory like the Safety and Risk Management course. There will need to be a strong policy in place regarding coach/gym relations. Many parents are afraid that there will be retaliation in the gym.

A question I have is, will the club be notified if a complaint is made about one of their employees? At this point there are more questions than answers. The program within USAG is in it’s infancy, this is where a proactive plan comes in.

To move forward, here are some steps I think USA Gymnastics needs to take.

1.HAVE A CLEAR AND PROACTIVE PLAN and NOT only for the abuse. Educate the coaches, the parents and gymnasts.

2. Force ourselves to criticize our own plan.

The biggest thing we can do to avoid distress is periodically review our plans. USA Gymnastics is a membership driven organization. It would be better to have the criticism come from within, from the members (coaches, athletes, former athletes) who are in the trenches than from the outside. There were many moving parts that got us here. We need to direct the process that got us here so that we can move forward. There needs to be a policy of independent review from the outside as well.

3. Avoid jumping into a plan too quickly.

USA Gymnastics needs to take some immediate steps to improve athlete safety and lessen the chance of abuse whether it is sexual, physical or emotional in nature. As I have stated previously- it is difficult to be patient. Especially when so many sides are demanding immediate action. If we rush into things we may actually overcorrect and make things worse. Many crises do not have a clear starting point or end state, thus creating a plan based on many moving parts is pointless. The key is to understand the weaknesses and how to shape the future. Once there is a mental map developed and visualized, we can see where we need to go and we can stay on course.

4. Expect more from the board!

The Board represents all of the gymnasts, coaches, judges, and administrators in our sport, in all disciplines. WE STAND FOR SAFETY, EDUCATION and EXCELLENCE. We want gymnastics to be seen in the light that truly represents it. We want it to be represented by the amazing gymnasts and coaches that devote there lives by working hard everyday, learning, making mistakes, learning from those mistakes, and pushing through until we achieve success…

The Board must represent USA Gymnastics. When we change, when our styles, standards, techniques change, the board must represent those changes as well.

The CEO, the Board, and all gymnastics professionals need to put our sport ahead of our own egos, needs, wants, finances, and put gymnastics where it needs to be. A leader in youth sports, a place where little children are encouraged and empowered to start here, and go anywhere. We want them to take the amazing life lessons they learn from gymnastics into the world and become healthy and well adjusted adults.

The beauty of any board is that it has enough distance from the overall organization to see the forest for the trees. All of us are involved in our own disciplines, we are all busy with the day to day. Some CEOs may have treated the Board as a necessary evil to placate so they can get on with their business, but that undermines the Board’s role as an early-warning system when the organization is heading for distress. A good board will give us perspective.

It is also the board’s responsibility to look at the President/CEO, in the eye and say, “OK, we like your plan and it seems to be bringing in money. Now let’s talk about what it would take to move funds into coaches education. Let’s talk about athlete protections. Let’s talk about what is important to the membership.”

5. Bring SAFETY and EDUCATION to ALL LEVELS
Regional Chairs, Regional JO Chairs, Regional Technical Chairs in all disciplines need to be brought in and trained to spot and deal with suspected abuse in our sport. They in turn will need to train members of the state boards. Coaches need to be educated. They know that they are being watched. They need to be trained and be part of the reporting procedure.
Safe Sport is a good first step. It may not go far enough. Each state and region needs to have a webpage dedicated to Safe Sport (or whatever program is next).

The change needs to be clear, concise, and big.
The community must be onboard, we must all be willing to work for and accept the change.

Gymnastics can be the silver bullet. Gymnastics can be everything. We don’t need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Gyms should be palaces of safety. The competition for the best coaches should be fierce. Coaches should be incredibly trained and making six-figure salaries. That’s my position. I just haven’t figured out how to do it yet.

wow- that was a lot longer than I expected.
Thanks Wendy, Jessica, Vinnie and others who let me bounce ideas off of you.

In Defense of Division III | The Gymternet

March 15, 2017 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

NCAA gymnastics season is an exciting time of year for gymnasts and fans alike, with the top teams in the country earning tons of attention. But there are over 80 NCAA women’s gymnastics programs, 14 of which belong to Division III. While Division I teams can offer 12 full scholarships, and Division II can offer the monetary equivalent of 6 full scholarships, Division III gives no athletic scholarships. In previous years, the lack of athletic scholarships has shown a significant divide in the level of comp

Source: In Defense of Division III | The Gymternet

NCAA gymnastics season is an exciting time of year for gymnasts and fans alike, with the top teams in the country earning tons of attention. But there are over 80 NCAA women’s gymnastics programs, 14 of which belong to Division III.

While Division I teams can offer 12 full scholarships, and Division II can offer the monetary equivalent of 6 full scholarships, Division III gives no athletic scholarships. In previous years, the lack of athletic scholarships has shown a significant divide in the level of competition across the divisions, but in 2015 it is more evident than ever that Division III is closing the gap and demanding respect.

The National Collegiate Gymnastics Association (NCGA) was born in 1983 to be the governing body of Division III gymnastics, as the NCAA refused to sponsor it. In 1984, there were 24 member institutions. We all recognize that NCAA gymnastics is in jeopardy, as it seems like a different team faces elimination every year.

Nobody understands how devastating the loss of programs is more than Division III programs. In 2009, MIT cut both their women’s and men’s teams, despite producing the Division III national all-around champion that year, Julia Sharpe (then Zimmerman). In 2011, Rhode Island College was cut, but later reinstated due to public outcry and demand for the program to remain. In 2012, Gustavus Adolphus threatened to cut their program, and in 2013, Wilson College disappeared. With just 14 programs remaining, Division III is teetering on the edge of disaster.

But the division is truly a diamond in the rough, worthy of recognition and praise. Here’s why.

1. The Level of Division III Gymnasts

Many people believe Division III is not “real” college gymnastics and they couldn’t be more wrong. Chelsie (Veilleux) Burland (Ithaca College ’07) is a club/high school coach and level 10 judge who turned down walk-on spots at DI schools to instead compete in DIII. She finds herself constantly defending DIII against naysayers.

“I hate how many people knock DIII gymnastics,” she says. “I am constantly biting my tongue when I hear ‘my daughter is too good for DIII’ or ‘my goal is DI because DIII isn’t competitive’ or that it’s ‘like high school gymnastics.’ I want to ask them if they’ve ever even watched a DIII meet.”

2015 has been a great year for DIII, with teams like Ursinus, Brockport, Ithaca, Springfield, Winona State, UW Whitewater, and UW Stout – to name a few – breaking school records left and right. Ursinus scored a program record 192.625 on February 22, defeating DI Temple by nearly 5 points. Yes, you read that right. A team of non-scholarship gymnasts blew a team of full scholarship athletes out of the water.

Brockport also broke into the 192s with their school record finish of 192.225 on March 1. In addition to Ursinus and Brockport, Whitewater – one of several in the University of Wisconsin system – has hit 190 or better twice this season.

Many DIII gymnasts are higher in the national rankings than DI athletes. As of March 2, the top gymnasts in DIII per event are Whitewater’s Katie Fiorilli on vault (9.731 RQS), Brockport’s Stephanie Schuler on bars (9.706 RQS), Cortland’s Elise Konikoff on beam (9.713 RQS), Brockport’s Lexi King on floor (9.775 RQS), and Whitewater’s Courtney Pickett in the all-around (38.163 RQS). With top scores in the 9.7-9.8 range, DIII seems like “real” college gymnastics to me.

2. DIII Does Not Have the Funding of DI Programs

Since the NCAA doesn’t sponsor DIII, many programs lack funding, which is one of the reasons why so many DIII programs have been on the chopping block in recent years. They don’t have the luxury of state-of-the-art, multi-million dollar practice facilities, or different leotards for every meet. Most programs rely heavily on alumni contributions to keep going. They also aren’t allowed the same amount of practice time as DI athletes, training fewer hours for fewer months in preparation for the season.

And let’s not forget the amount of personal funding that comes from each gymnast just to attend the school. Where DI scholarship gymnasts attend school for free, every single DIII gymnast must foot the bill for her education. And with so many programs coming from private institutions – like Ursinus, Ithaca, Hamline, Springfield, and Gustavus, to name a few – the price of a college education and competing in collegiate gymnastics can skyrocket to over $50,000 a year.

But despite it all, DIII continues to succeed. “After being a DIII gymnast and then working at a DI school, I see so many differences which made me appreciate even more why I chose DIII,” Lauren Moroch (Ithaca College ’12) notes. “The last DIII nationals I went to, the top three teams scored over 190. That says a lot about how much DIII gymnastics has improved, especially when we have some of the worst practice facilities in the country.”

3. Many DIII Gymnasts Learn New Skills in College

While many level 10s choose DIII, there are just as many – if not more – level 9 gymnasts who end up there. In order to produce competent scores under NCAA’s modified level 10 requirements, many gymnasts end up learning new skills in college. Learning new high-level skills in your early 20s is not a feat that should go unrecognized. It is hard enough to maintain and fine-tune skills a gymnast already has, but learning new skills in addition to improving them adds a completely different dynamic.

“I learned about 10 skills in college,” Moroch told us. “That may be a tribute to my coach and his coaching style (the willingness to still coach new skills and selecting girls with potential), but I don’t think you can get that experience anywhere else.”

4. DIII Teams Regularly Compete Against DI and DII Programs

Since there are so few DIII programs, many teams have no other choice but to compete against DI and DII teams in order to fill their schedules, something Rhode Island College graduate Caitlin Elliott fondly remembers. “DIII gymnastics is so tough. The support from many of the athletic departments is not there and the women constantly have to compete against DI and DII teams but they do it without a single complaint because they love the sport.”

In few – if any – other sports do DIII athletes compete so regularly against scholarship-level athletes, and yet many DIII teams are able to hold their own.

5. DIII Gymnastics is All About Love, Solidarity, and Camaraderie Between Teams

Since DIII is so small, despite all the rivalries, every team supports one another. Every DIII coach and gymnast knows they can’t afford to lose another program. The camaraderie in DIII is so strong that during preseason, Brockport invited Rhode Island College out for a weekend to practice with them in a clinic-type atmosphere, where coaches and gymnasts alike could share ideas.

The bond formed between the two programs is as strong as ever. Despite being programs in the same conference, RIC and Brockport are incredibly supportive and loving of one another, as if they were one big team.

This support amongst teams is one of the greatest things RIC graduate Fallon Connolly remembers from her time in the sport. “DIII is great because every athlete and coach is there because they love it, and because they want to be there. DIII teams root for each other and want each other to succeed. There aren’t many of them out there and they know that, which is why they find it important to support each other to keep the sport they love alive.”

When MIT, RIC, Wilson, and Gustavus faced the chopping block, it was the DIII gymnasts and coaches who were first to rally to the cause. That family is what Lauren Moroch misses most about her DIII experience. “DIII gymnastics is like a family. We stick together. We all have our little rivalries, but when it comes down to it, everyone is so happy for each other at the NCGA Championships.”

Gymnastics is a sport that incites passion among athletes, that much is certain. But it is my belief that DIII gymnasts have a unique kind of passion, and it is that passion that drives DIII gymnasts as the sole motivation for doing what they do. RIC’s Caitlin Elliott said it best: “DIII gymnastics is all about love. Love for the sport, love for the atmosphere, love for your team. I would not have traded my DIII experience for anything.”

To end our article, here are a few statements from real (current and former) DIII gymnasts when I asked them “Why DIII?” Their answers are 100% genuine, from the heart, and completely encompass the passion and spirit of Division III.

“For me, DIII gymnastics is special because it allows you to learn and grow – not only as an athlete, but as a leader, a teammate, and a person. Like others have said, there is truly a lot of love and passion that goes into the DIII world. I’m lucky to be a part of it!” – Riley Acton, Ursinus College ’15

“DIII athletics allows you to have fun and enjoy the sport. I looked at some DI schools and got accepted to some, but I didn’t feel like I fit in there. Ithaca is perfect for me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.” – Kendra Balcerak, Ithaca College ’18

“We aren’t here because it’s our job. It’s our passion, and we do it for the love of the sport. We are surrounded by people who feel the same. They are our family.” – Courtney Boyle, SUNY Cortland ’16

“DIII was a lot less pressure, and it seemed really team-oriented and a lot of fun!” – Faith Burns, SUNY Brockport ’17

“I was not good enough for DI, and I would have probably cracked under the pressure I put myself under had I chosen DI.” – Bri Carey, SUNY Brockport ’18

“Gymnastics is my life, and to be a part of a loving and supportive team that feels the same way about the sport as I do is more than I could ever ask for.” – Maria Cusanelli, SUNY Cortland ’18

“DIII [athletes] have so much heart, passion, and love for the sport.” – Mandy Grahn, Wilson College ’13

“I wanted to continue gymnastics throughout my college career, and to have a second family away from home. DIII is where I felt I could accomplish this.” – Alli Hester, SUNY Brockport ’18

“DIII was perfect. I could do what I loved while still focusing on my school work. It’s been much more rewarding than club gymnastics, because it’s all about the team.” – Lily Jagodzinski, SUNY Brockport ’16

“Gymnastics is my first love. I couldn’t imagine not continuing my career after college. This sport has taught me so many life lessons.” – Lexi King, SUNY Brockport ’15

“DIII gymnastics is a lot less pressure than DI. I wanted to be able to have fun doing gymnastics without the DI pressure.” – Sarah Krulish, SUNY Brockport ’17

“It is all about passion for the sport. We are here as a team, united to chase success.” –Elise Konikoff, SUNY Cortland ‘15

“I wanted to continue my gymnastics career, but my schooling came first. In DI, it seems like gymnastics comes first and school second, so DIII seemed like the perfect fit for me.” –Ariel Leahy, SUNY Brockport ’17

“DIII athletics allows you to enjoy the sport you love and to experience that competitive nature for another four years, while still allowing you to experience all the other aspects of life as a college student. There is a balance of both student and athlete.” –Danielle Maffuid, Ithaca College ‘18

“I chose DIII gymnastics because I knew it was going to be a fun atmosphere and a perfect fit for me. I don’t have huge skills, but my gymnastics is clean. I think DIII gymnastics is perfect for the gymnast who still wants to pursue the sport without breaking her body for it.” – Cailee Mallory, Rhode Island College ‘18

“I wasn’t good enough to do DI, but I still wanted to do gymnastics and get a good education.” – Becca Meister, Ithaca College ‘18

“Division III gymnastics is unique because it allows gymnasts to continue the sport in college without the extra pressures of some DI schools. These athletes do it because they truly love it. No scholarships are offered, and so participating in Division III gymnastics comes from the heart. There is no extrinsic motivation.” – Lauren Moroch, Ithaca College ‘12

“Choosing DIII allowed me to continue my passion for the sport, and to also have a good balance between sport and education. I could not be happier with my decision!” –Emily Nagy, SUNY Cortland ‘16

“I chose DIII so I would be able to balance my gymnastics and being a nursing student.” –Amanda Rota, SUNY Brockport ‘16

Article by Sarah Chrane

Talent Needs Character | James Leath

August 21, 2016 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

“He is going to be shocked we no longer want him.” “Come again?” I asked the college assistant coach seated across from me at lunch. “You flew across the country to meet him, and now you won’t recr…

Source: Talent Needs Character | James Leath
“He is going to be shocked we no longer want him.”

“Come again?” I asked the college assistant coach seated across from me at lunch. “You flew across the country to meet him, and now you won’t recruit him anymore?”

The coach had recently stopped for a day in another state to check in on one of their prospects, before arriving at my school in Florida.

“He is a great talent, he certainly has the skills needed to play for us,” said the coach. “Sadly, he just won’t fit in well with our culture. It’s sad how many kids we come across every year that we cannot recruit, and it has nothing to do with their ability.”

As the Head of Leadership at IMG Academy in Bradenton, FL, I have the privilege of having conversations with college recruiters from major universities every week. One of saddest topics we discuss are stories of top high school talent being passed over because of behavior off the field. High talent and low character is a poor combination.

I have heard these stories enough to feel compelled to write this so that it may be passed onto every high school athlete that dreams of playing in college. There are a lot of talented athletes out there, but talent alone will not land you a coveted roster spot. Your talent may get your foot in the door, but it takes a lot more to hit the field at the next level.

The recruiter is not there to see you tackle, throw, bump, spike, pitch, catch, hit, shoot, or pass for the thousandth time. He already knows your stats. He has already watched your highlight film and read all the press clippings. He has likely seen you play. What he is looking for are called intangibles, the things that cannot be easily measured, but make all the difference.

Of the countless conversations I have had with college recruiters, here are the most common questions recruiters are searching for answers to decide whether they should recruit you or not.

What are you doing when you think no one is watching?

Recruiters are not always wearing their school clothing. That guy in the corner of the weight room talking to your coach? He might be a recruiter on an unscheduled visit. That woman in the stands taking notes? She may be writing down the behavior she sees to report back to her head coach. The more talented you are, the more people are watching you to try and see what flaws you are hiding. How do you treat your teammates, coaches, parents, and officials? Do you make eye contact with your coach when she is talking? What is your body language like when things are not going well? This all matters, a lot!
Are you one thing in person, and another person online?

Social media is the microphone of your character, and whether you agree or not, you will be judged by what you post. Please, pause and think before you post! If you wouldn’t want it on a billboard so your grandma could read it, you probably shouldn’t post it online.

Colleges put a lot of research into your character, especially the high-profile sports such as football and basketball. Most schools have teams of people who use very creative tactics to comb through your social media feeds.

For example, I heard a story recently about a prospect who used a lot of racial slurs on his Twitter account. This recruit was shocked because his Twitter account was set to private. However, a few weeks prior to the recruiter’s visit, this prospect accepted a request to allow an account with a profile picture of a pretty girl. That account was actually owned by a guy named Chris. Once accepted as a follower, Chris was given access to that prospect’s entire feed. Chris also discovered that the recruit had a habit of ridiculing teammates online. The recruiter thought that prospect had the talent to play at the next level, but talent alone gets you nowhere.

Who are your biggest influences?

You will become like the people you hang out with the most. This includes who you follow on social media. Take a look at who you are following on social media sites, and in life, and unfollow those you do not wish to be associated with or become like.

Last year, I spoke to a coach about a 5-star baseball recruit being watched by all the major universities. That was until a news story came out about all the accounts this recruit was following on Twitter that promoted sexual assault towards women, drug use, and alcohol consumption. This recruit also had a Twitch account where he would play certain games that glorified abuse towards women and was recorded cheering when an explicit event would happen during the game. Not surprisingly, he ended up going to community college and getting kicked off his team halfway through the year.

Ask yourself, “If I were a coach, and I looked at the list of people influencing me, would I recruit me?” Be honest with yourself, because your potential future coach will be looking very closely at your influencers.

Are you a great teammate?

I coached varsity football for a number of years and had some decent talent under my supervision. I remember one recruiter visiting from a big school in Southern California to take a look at our star linebacker, maybe the best at his position I ever coached.

When the recruiter arrived, he was wearing boots, jeans, and a t-shirt. Nothing about what he was wearing gave away where he was from or connected him to his university. As I spoke to him in the corner of the weight room, he watched one particular athlete with great intensity. If he were to tell the story, this is how it would go:

“When I arrived at the school, I was taken directly to the weight room where our number one linebacker prospect was lifting with his team. He did not know who I was because I was wearing regular street clothes. I do this during all my visits because I don’t want to influence their normal routine just because I’m watching. I am sure the amount of weight he was squatting was impressive, but watching him squat was not what I flew 400 miles to observe. One thing I noticed was during every set, he had a spotter standing behind him just in case he needed help. This teammate was yelling encouragement during the prospect’s last few reps and helped him rack the bar.”

“After all three sets, sadly, I watched our recruit sit down and pull out his phone instead of returning the favor of spotting his teammate. His coach asked him to put his phone away after his first set. He did. He then pulled it back out after the second set. I stopped his coach from intervening again. We look for guys who can be trusted to do the things after being told once. During the third set, he finally put his phone down, but only because he saw his teammate struggling to finish his last few reps. This teammate was there for the prospect every rep. The prospect, however, did not spot him or encourage him, putting himself and those around him in danger. I began to question his ability to be a great teammate, and if he would fit in with our team. Then, when the workout was over, the coach blew the whistle to start cleaning up. The prospect headed straight for his cleats and walked out the door, never even making eye contact with me, and leaving his teammates to clean up and rack the weights. Definitely not a good fit for our culture.”

Do you make a good first impression?

One of the first things I teach all my athletes is the art of the handshake. Firm grip, eye contact, be fully present while you introduce yourself. I had a group of NBA prospects in my leadership class recently. I had been working with this particular group a few weeks so they knew how to enter a room, command presence, shake hands, make eye contact— all things that will set them apart from the hundreds of other NBA draft prospects.

A new guy showed up to campus and was put in my class. When he walked in, he gave me a handshake that could only be described as “a dead fish.” He mumbled his name and never really made eye contact. The class booed him and told him to “try it again,” pointing towards the door. He was confused and shocked that he was booed when he walked into the room. He came back in, did the same thing, and was again booed by his peers. Here was a phenomenal athlete, tall enough to have to duck when he entered the room, and he was getting booed for how he entered. I walked out with him the second time.

“Why are they booing?” he asked.

“Because you suck at entering a room.” I could see the confusion on his face. Then I saw a smile as he realized class had begun.

“How are you going to stand out if you enter a room like everyone else? And what’s with this handshake? Give me your hand,” I said.

I showed him a proper handshake and I encouraged him to walk across the room with purpose, introduce himself clearly, and look me in the eye when he shook my hand. Then I walked back into the classroom, shutting the door behind me.

The large man destined for the NBA walked in, smiled, and walked across the room with purpose. He shook my hand, looked me in the eye, and introduced himself clearly. The room full of other large men erupted in cheer.

You are always being watched—from the moment you get out of your car to the moment you leave the parking lot. The more talented you are, the more people pay attention. Give them a reason to remember you off the field, court, mat, or pool.

Do you “sweep the shed?”

The most successful sports team in the professional era is not the NY Yankees, or the Boston Celtics, or Real Madrid, but a team from a far less known sport. It is the New Zealand All Blacks in rugby, who have an astonishing 86% winning percentage and numerous championships to their name. In the outstanding book, Legacy, written about the All Blacks (the most winningest professional team in the history of modern sports), author James Kerr discusses one of their core values that epitomizes the selfless attitude.

It’s called “Sweep the Shed.”

You see the goal of every All Blacks player is to leave the national team shirt in a better place than when he got it. His goal is to contribute to the legacy by doing his part to grow the game and keep the team progressing every single day.

In order to do so, the players realize that you must remain humble, and that no one is too big or too famous to do the little things required each and every day to get better. You must eat right. You must sleep well. You must take care of yourself on and off the field. You must train hard. You must sacrifice your own goals for the greater good and a higher purpose.

You must sweep the shed.

After each match, played in front of 80,000 plus fans, in front of millions on TV, after the camera crews have left, and the coaches are done speaking, when the eyes of the world have turned elsewhere, there is still a locker room to be cleaned.

…by the players!

If the New Zealand All Blacks are sweeping their locker room, then why aren’t you out there helping younger players, picking up cones, arriving first and leaving last, and setting the example for others? Are you leaving the uniform in a better place, or counting the days until they retire your jersey?

I once asked a recruiter what he thought of the prospect he came to watch.

“Remember when they were doing pushups?” he asked. “He led the team by counting, but he missed pushup 13 and pushup 18. He just didn’t go down, even though he commanded the team to do so. I am not sure about this guy, honestly. Out of twenty plays, we can’t have him taking off two because he is tired.”

You are always being watched, so sweep the shed.

Do you show a sense gratitude?

How you treat the people who take care of you matters. The coaches, the trainers, the ball boys—they are there to serve, but they are not your servants. True leaders serve those around them. When the trainer shows up, don’t bark, “I need tape!” Instead, ask for it. Say “please.” Say “thank you.” Clean up after yourself. When you are grateful, and treat others with the respect they deserve, people take notice. More importantly, it’s the right thing to do.

Your talent will get you noticed, but your character will get you recruited.

Show gratitude.
Be a positive influence.
Do the little things.
Be a great teammate.
Make a great first impression.
Sweep the shed.

And always remember, whether you are online, on the field or in the classroom, someone is watching.

As president Calvin Coolidge once said, “nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.”

Your reputation is who people think you are; your character is who you are when you think no one is paying attention. Someone is always paying attention, and every recruiter has countless stories of passing on a talented athlete who failed the character test. You must be the exception. You must be extra-ordinary. That’s how you get recruited.

5 Rules for Coaches in the Gym

April 12, 2016 by Tony Retrosi 1 Comment

Anyone who has ever worked for me at either of my gyms or at Gym Momentum Camp know that I have 5 very simple rules for coaches in the gym.

Follow these rules we are ALL happy and a better staff.

I was reading Anne Josephson’s Blog this morning and she backs up rule #2 with science!

HERE ARE MY RULES FOR COACHES IN ANY GYM.

BE ON TIME. Not only am I counting on you being there. The gymnasts count on you being there. You need to check your stations for safety and have a plan for what you are going do. You cannot do that if you are running into the gym at the last second or late. “being on time means 15 minutes early.”
NO SITTING DOWN IN THE GYM. Anne states it more eloquently than me. Simply- You cannot motivate from your ass. You need to be a good example. If you want the kids sitting down- then you can sit down.
NO CELL PHONES IN THE GYM. There are too many distractions as it is. A coach constantly checking their phone for text messages is a huge distraction. Leave it on a shelf in the gym. Need to video something? Go over and get it. Otherwise- enjoy the time you are disconnected.
DON’T COME TO ME WITH A PROBLEM WITH OUT A POTENTIAL SOLUTION. Think before you come to me with a problem. Otherwise it’s just whining. I like to think I am a good listener. If you just need to vent, I get it. Say, “Tony- I just need to vent”. You are not looking for a solution. No problem. Want a solution? Give it some thought, give me your ideas. They may (or may not) work. But it is at least a starting point.
EVERYONE LEAVES WITH A SMILE. We are entertainers, we need to do our best that every customer, Parents, class kids, siblings, co-workers need to leave with a smile. THIS INCLUDES YOU! We have all had rough days. Sometimes you just need to fake it.

NO LYING ON THE MATS: How Horizontal Coaching Hurts Your Gym’s Morale.

Anne Josephson.

Ask any gym owners or managers pet peeve or gym parents’ concern about their child’s coach and in the top five you are likely to hear “sitting/lying on a mat during practice.”
I know it makes my list consistently.
We have a name for it: horizontal coaching. And horizontal coaching is like fingernails on a blackboard to me.
Coaching is exhausting, to be fair. But, did you know that sitting down through practice or lying prone while your athletes’ toil away is having a negative effect on their effort?
Think about this: Ever notice how when someone yawns, you do too?
It’s because of what the phenomenon of what scientists call emotional contagion, the transfer of moods among people.
Multiple studies have confirmed this: people tend to display and experience the emotions of those around them.
If a coach lying on a mat while asking their athletes to complete a difficult conditioning assignment, that coach is inadvertently making it more difficult for the athletes to respond with high effort and enthusiasm.
In fact, research from the authors of the aptly titled book Emotional Contagion point to studies that show negative emotions adversely impact the group even more than positive ones help.
To be blunt, not only does lazy coach brings the energy down at practice but does so at a greater rate than enthusiastic coach brings it up.
Studies confirm that we do not live on emotional islands. Quite to the contrary our mood ripple out to those with whom we work, influencing not only other coaches’ and athletes’ emotions but the dynamic of the entire gym as well as individual thoughts, feelings and actions.
Lazy coaching influences a lazy gym atmosphere, which influences lazy beliefs, attitudes and efforts from our co-workers and athletes.
(Note: Of course there are exceptions to the rule. If a coach is disabled or injured and cannot physically stand, athletes and co-workers can adjust their attitudes and the coach can make up for the inability to be physically engaged in other ways. But those coaches are few and far between and they do not pertain to the able bodied folk who might have had a couple few too many the night before or who simply want to relax and check messages while their athletes condition…)
Get up, be enthusiastic and engage—as a coach you are a leader and it is up to you to set the tone for your athletes and to positively influence the culture in your gym.

Become a Great C.E.O. in the gym. Chief Encouragement Officer.

March 28, 2016 by Tony Retrosi 2 Comments

Often when I’m traveling on planes, the person next to me asks me what I do for living. When I tell them I am a gymnastics coach but that I spend a great deal of time as a professional speaker, their next question is “what do you speak about?” My answer is quite simple- I speak about gymnastics technique and leadership in the gym but also motivation for staff. What I find very fascinating is the response to that statement almost 90% of the time is- “Wow- that is so interesting- we sure could use you at our office, our leadership is terrible and morale is at an all-time low.”

I have always thought that it was just US in the gymnastics industry that suffer from problems in leadership. It was ALMOST refreshing to see that this is a bigger problem. Why is it that so many organizations suffer from poor leadership and employees that lack motivation?

I believe that a big part of it is that organizations are too focused on results and not focused on leaders being developed. If we work at developing leaders within our gymnastics clubs those leaders can be more effective in leading the gymnasts to get results.

It’s a classic argument of getting the cart in front of the horse. As leaders and head coaches,
we don’t focus on development or our staff,
we don’t focus on creating a motivational environment,
we don’t focus on building employee morale
and give no time and attention to encouraging supporting and training our front-line employees.

I understand we are all busy coaching. But if you do not spend the time on your staff you will end up doing everything yourself.

So you as a leader, how do you become a great CEO (Chief Encouragement Officer)?

Step #1- Figure out where you are as an organization. What is the current level of morale in your organization? What is the current mindset of you coaching staff? When they talk about the gym, what do you think employees are saying about you and about the company? There are several ways to find out what’s really going on in your organization. The best is probably to actually talk to your staff both one on one. and in groups. Go and get a beer together. Wait- am I suggesting that you actually sit down and talk with your employees about how things are going, and not just when they’re in trouble? Yes it is an outrageous revolutionary idea- actually talking to people, having honest and open communication to build their trust. Let me tell you, it really works.

Step #2- Let’s eliminate the old language of hierarchy. You would think by now that the old language of hierarchy would have been eliminated but that is not true. As I travel around the worls, I still hear people use words that make me cringe such as:
“Subordinate”- Are you kidding me? Really? Is someone subordinate to you? I sure hope people don’t actually believe that. Let’s just refer to them as a coach you work with.
“Superior” – I just can’t believe that this word is still being used today- no one is superior to anyone. Let’s just call them a manager or team leader. (and by the way- who remembers superior moves?)
“Secretary”- This term should’ve gone into the metal trashcan in the late 1960s, but is still unmercifully hanging around. Are we in an episode of MAD MEN? The person who answers your phones, greets the customers probably handles more money than anyone else in your gym. They are an important part of your team. How about Office Manager, Front Desk Manager, Team Captains?

So if we want to build maximum morale and encourage employees, we need to change the titles and the labels that we stick on those employees that imply they have less value.

Step #3- Find out what it is that they want- I have always believed that a critical part of management is to help people get where they want to go for their careers and for their personal lives. I went to a lecture last year at USAG National Congress on giving our 20 yr old – 30 yr old staff what they want. If we find out what it is that people want in terms of their career and we help them develop in order to get there, we will be managing maximum morale and encouraging them to achieve their dreams. I find that way too many leaders are dream crushers instead of dream builders, because when someone says they’re interested in a new role and they want to move up from (example) a school age class teacher to developmental team coach too many leaders tell them all the reasons that ISN’T possible and hold them back instead of encouraging them to move forward.

Step #4- Keep people in the loop and communicate– I once worked for a person who I needed some information from. When I asked him about the information, he said that that information was “on a need to know basis, and only managers can know that information.” He held that information as if it was a prize that only he and other special people could possess. Talk with and communicate with your staff. Explain what is going on and most importantly explain why it is going on. This makes people feel valued.

Step #5- Compliment people when they do well– The biggest complaint I get from employees around the WORLD is they never get positive feedback for their managers and the owners of the gym. The only feedback they get is when they make mistakes. You can’t expect people to continue to work hard, and put their blood sweat and tears into the work without at least being complimented and told they are doing a good job. I have heard some head coaches who are so positive in the gym when speaking to the gymnasts, praising them for their effort and then not giving that same treatment to coaches they work with.
If you want to light the fire of motivation, one of the ways is to give people positive feedback when they do well, and to give them credit when credit is due. In my career, I have reported to head coaches who took my work and made it their own and gave me no credit. This was outrageous leadership behavior and crushed my morale. I understand that it was their management of the program that put me in a position to succeed but I would have also liked a little recognition. Make sure to give people positive feedback verbally, in writing, on performance reviews, and publicly in meetings. When you do that you will see people walking with their heads up a little bit higher, because they will be proud of their accomplishments, and someone noticed.

It all comes down to a very simple concept- people at work are human beings that just want to be treated – (to loosely quote Aretha Franklin) with a little respect. Just a little respect goes a long way towards you being a great chief encouragement officer.

Is it better to be RESPECTED or FEARED?

January 25, 2016 by Tony Retrosi 2 Comments

There is an age-old question: Is it better to be feared or respected? Is it better to be a “nice” leader to get your gymnasts to like you? Or to be tough as nails to inspire respect and hard work? I once heard a coach say, “you want your gymnasts to be more afraid of you than the skill.” Despite the recent enthusiasm for wellness initiatives and positive coaching and despite the movements within USA Gymnastics towards rewarding positive coaching styles too many coaches still assume the latter is best.

The traditional paradigm just seems safer: Be demanding, firm and a little distant from your gymnasts. Your gymnasts should fear and respect you, but not feel so familiar with you that they might forget who’s in charge. A little dog-eat-dog, tough-it-out, sink-or-swim culture seems to yield time-tested results and keep gymnasts hungry and on their toes. After all, if you’re a leader who seems like you care a little too much about your gymnasts, won’t that make you look “soft”? Won’t that mean you will be less respected? That gymnasts won’t work as hard?

According to an article in the Huffington Post, New developments in organizational research are providing some surprising answers to these questions.
“Tough” managers often mistakenly think that putting pressure on employees will increase performance. What it does increase is stress — and research has shown that high levels of stress carry a number of costs to employers and employees alike.

Think about how that will affect your gymnasts. Being a “tough” coach will probably not increase performance but it will increase stress. Stress carries a price both for YOU and the gymnasts on your team.

Gymnasts feeling too much stress will be sick more often. They will miss more training sessions and make more mistakes. A really STRESSED gymnast is going to quit or switch gyms.

Is it any better with “nice” coaches? Do their gymnasts fare better — and do kind coaches get ahead?

Contrary to what many believe, nice guys (and gals!) can actually finish first, as long as they use the right strategies that prevent others from taking advantage of them. In fact, other research has shown that acts of altruism actually increase someone’s status within a group.

Harvard Business School’s Amy Cuddy and her research partners have also shown that leaders who project warmth — even before establishing their competence — are more effective than those who lead with their toughness and skill. Why?
One reason is trust. Employees (and your gymnasts!) feel greater trust with someone who is kind.

When coaches are fair to the members of their team, the team members display more citizenship behavior and are more productive, both individually and as a team. Jonathan Haidt at New York University Stern School of Business shows in his research that when leaders are self-sacrificing, their employees experience being moved and inspired. Do this and your gymnasts will feel more loyal and committed to the goal of the team and be better team mates. Research on “paying it forward” shows that when you work with people who help you, in turn you will be more likely to help others (and not necessarily just those who helped you).

Such a culture can even help mitigate stress. While our brains are attuned to threats (whether the threat is a raging lion or a raging coach), our brain’s stress reactivity is significantly reduced when we observe kind behavior. As brain-imaging studies show, when our social relationships with others feel safe, our brain’s stress response is attenuated. There’s also a physical effect.

Taken together, this body of research shows that creating a leadership model of trust and mutual cooperation may help create a culture that is happier, in which gymnasts help each other, and (as a consequence) become more productive in the long run.

Going back to that conversation I had with that coach, “you want your gymnasts to be more afraid of you than the skill.”
I responded, “wouldn’t you want them to TRUST you more than they feared the skill?”
That could be the reason I’m still in the gym and he is not.

How to Speak to Speak to your Boss

September 25, 2015 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

Speaking Up in a Tricky Situation

We have all had to have conversations with our boss/ manager or head coach that we wish we didn’t have to have. It is never easy addressing a matter like this requires some delicacy on your part.

Here are some tips to make it easier for you to speak up and to increase the likelihood of getting the results you want:

Keep in mind that any boss should want to know if your productivity is being compromised. It’s in their interest and the interest of the gym to address your concerns. That’s on your side.
Start by talking to your manager or head coach before you go to the owner. It tends to work best when we try to address an issue directly with the person first, before going over their head—whenever possible.
Consider having this conversation early in the day so you’re not worrying about it for the full day and building up anxiety.
Write down what you want to say in advance. Coaches often find that writing their words before speaking is helpful.
It’s best to be brief, concise, and positive. Choose your battles.
It’s important to sandwich the conversation by sincerely saying that you have a lot of respect for their work and their competence. Open and close on a positive note.
Acknowledge that what you need to say is hard to say. Tell them you want to put it all out there before they respond. Then you can take your time, and it will be easier to speak because you gave yourself some breathing room. And remember to breathe!
Let them know what you are uncomfortable with, without judging anyone. State the facts, and focus on your feelings of discomfort.
Know that it’s okay if things don’t go smoothly or you forget to say something. You’ve done your best. You can always go back to the conversation later.
Remember- everyone os busy and has other things to do. Speak your peace- find resolution, let everyone get back to work

COACH WANTED- Helena, Montana

July 23, 2015 by Tony Retrosi Leave a Comment

TeamDirectorPosition

Schedule/Time Commitment

Afternoon/Evenings 3:30-8 p.m.
Monday-Fridays, 20-25 hrs/wk.
Occasional Full-day schedule, 9 a.m.-4 p.m.
Weekends as determined by team schedules
Paid prep time/off-site duties/training, etc.Duties

Provide positive, enthusiastic and interactive supervision and coaching for competitive gymnastics team women’s artistic Levels 3-10
Develop and implement TOPS and Excel programs
Plan lessons and daily schedules/rotations for team practices
Assist with staff training including implementing progression in rec. levels
Work with other staff to set meet coaching assignmentsPerformances

Outstanding leadership and interaction with children ages 6-18 in a competitive and driven environment
Positive student/group management and discipline
Thoughtful, organized and consistent communication with students and parents
Consistent self-motivation, self-starter
Provide engaged coaching, spotting and interaction with team membersQualifications

Experience coaching within the team environment
Gymnastics skills/knowledge Levels 1-10 with excellent spotting capability
First Aid, CPR certification preferred
USAG Safety Certified, Valid Background CheckCompensation

Salary commensurate with experience including travel, training and competitions
Bonuses available for special projects/events
Other company benefitsApplication

• Please submit resume and letter of interest by mail or email:
HAC Attn: Management, PO Box 5659, Helena, MT 59604 or office@hacmt.com.

Finding Her Future. | Get Psyched!

June 2, 2015 by Wendy Bruce Martin Leave a Comment

Great Article from Wendy Bruce Martin at GET PSYCHED! Wendy will be coaching at Gym Momentum Training Camp This Summer!

Source: Finding Her Future. | Get Psyched!

My daughter was a competitive cheerleader from the age of 5. She took to the sport very quickly and her talent was undeniable. She started to excel in tumbling and it was obvious to me that she needed to hone in on this talent and see where it would take her.

When she turned 9, she had learned a double full on her own. It was amazingly technically correct and I had not taught her it, she learned it solely by playing around in the gym. And because I could see her talent, I quickly called around to gymnastics gyms and enrolled her in the amazing sport of Tumbling and Trampoline.

From the moment she walked into the gym we all could see her future. She was talented and boy was she good, so good that in her first two months she made the developmental team at the gym, the USAG Jumpstart team, and started her career in level 7.

She was a fast learner and it was clear that Tumbling and Trampoline was going to be “her” sport. She made flipping look easy. She was beautiful in the air and made the hard skills look effortless. She was way more talented than I was as a gymnast and I made the Olympics. I couldn’t help but to see into her future and revel in her own fame and fortune.

First I could see her making it to World Championships, hopefully by then Tumbling would have been an Olympic sport and she would be one of the first team members. Then I saw her getting a job with Cirque du Soleil when she was older, where I would go visit her with all my friends and family and we would watch her as the featured act. They could have t-shirts and merchandise made of her. I was so proud of a future that she hadn’t even had yet and didn’t even know that I was planning for her.

At the end of the year she was a State Champion and I was ecstatic that my dream for her was coming true.

Until, one day on the car ride to practice she told me that she didn’t want to go. When I asked her why she calmly said, “I don’t want to do it anymore.”

These words hit me like a slap in the face.

I tried to hide my shock and calmly said back, “Don’t you like to tumble?”

She replied, “Oh my goodness, I love it.”

She loved it? That didn’t make sense. She loved to tumble, she was amazingly talented, she had amazing coaches, and her future…didn’t she don’t have the same dream for her future that I had?

So I asked, “Why?”

She had no problem coming up very strong reasons, she said, “I don’t like it. I don’t like the pressure, being judged, being corrected on everything, the conditioning, climbing the rope, going to competitions, and (what she considered the final straw) wearing a leotard.”

Knowing that I should not try to convince her to stay and that I really could never try to convince her to stay, I pulled the car over, gave her a kiss, lovingly and unconditionally accepted her decision, and turned the car around to go home. That night when we got home, I called her coach. He was as shocked as I was, but completely understood her decision.

The next day I had an uncontrollable urge to cry (although I never did). I felt sad and depressed. When it was the time when I usually took her to practice, I felt empty. I thought about not seeing my gym mom friends that I had made. I thought about the class practicing and improving without my daughter, and not getting free tickets to Cirque. I thought about the talent that she wasn’t going to use and how my dream for her that wasn’t going to come true. I wasn’t ready for her to stop.

I seemed to be taking the loss of her sport worse than my daughter. She had known for weeks that she didn’t want to do it anymore. She had already come up with a plan on what new sport she wanted to try. She wasn’t worried about ending her journey in a sport she want to do, in fact the only reason she tried this sport was because she knew she was a great tumbler and thought this was the next step. But after a few months she knew that this sport wasn’t for her. She stayed in the sport because she decided to finish out the year. But after the year was over, she was sure she wanted to stop.

She was relieved with her decision. I was the one who was having a hard time. On the outside I was her accepting, nonjudgmental mom whom was proud of my daughter for having the confidence to tell me her desires. And I was honestly proud of her. She knew how talented she was. She knew that she was on track for greatness. She knew that everyone was shocked by her talent and yet she still had the guts to tell everyone that SHE didn’t want to do it anymore.

My emotions were all over the place. In one moment I was mad, mad that she wasn’t going to use her talent. In another moment I was in shock, because I thought she loved this sport and I didn’t see it coming. In the next moment I was in denial, I was convinced that in a week or two she would go back to the sport. In the next moment I was sad, at the loss of the (my) dream.

I had to come to terms with this loss and with any loss comes grief. There are many stages of grief, one of the being guilt. Oh and boy did I have guilt. What mom would let a 9 year old make a life changing decision about her future? This was hitting me hard. Maybe I should have stepped in and made her stay. Maybe I knew better than she and maybe she was too young to understand what this sport could bring to her future. What if my mom would have let me stop doing gymnastics at 9? I would have never made the Olympics. But then it occurred to me that I didn’t want to stop doing gymnastics when I was 9. In fact, I wanted to be in the gym every minute of every day. I loved it and if I didn’t like it, my mom would have let me stop.

My reality was that my daughter was the one who had to commit to practice every week, work through fears, push through painful conditioning, and (the worse part) wear a leotard. If she was the one who was going to have to put in the work, then she was the one who should decide it she wanted to or not.

She was happy with her decision and walked around the house like a weight had been lifted off her chest. Later that evening she asked to go bounce on our trampoline and at that moment I realized that she (nor I) had lost anything. We both gained many lessons; we realized that Tumbling and Trampoline, as amazing and incomparable of a sport that it may be, wasn’t HER passion. She still loved to tumble and flip, and she needed to find HER passion.

There were parts of Tumbling and Trampoline that she did love. She loved to flip, learn new skills, and she loved to perform in front of large crowds. But she wanted more.

She wanted a sport that had teammates, dancing, flipping, tumbling, excitement, music, and stunts. She wanted to cheer. It was very clear to me that she has found her passion. Her passion, her future, all of her dreams and goals was in cheer. She spends hours and hours outside of practice listening to cheer music, choreographing routines, practicing skills on her tramp, stretching and conditioning in her bed room, and watching videos. Her love for cheer in undeniable. And I do truly love that she loves her sport.

At times I look back on her Tumbling and Trampoline journey and I smile. It was a great experience for us all, but mostly for me. I grieved for the loss of a sport instead of realizing that it was an amazing chapter to her story; The story of my daughter’s childhood. And as with every experience, she is a stronger and has a better understanding of what she wants out of life. As a mom, I can’t really be upset at all. She knows what she has planned for her future, she knows her hopes and dreams, and I know as long as she is happy, so am I.

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