Building confidence: What to do When Your Inner Voice Keeps Telling You “No”
The other day a friend said: Sometimes I think I am my own worst critic. I constantly catch myself thinking, “That wasn’t good enough” or “You really screwed up this time.”
Do you have thoughts like that? How can you turn this around?
Self-evaluation can be a positive experience. It helps us learn, correct our mistakes and improve our performance, as well as the perceptions others have of us.
According to psychologist and motivational speaker Terry Paulson , it’s estimated that a typical person makes 300 to 400 self-evaluations every day. That’s a lot of opportunities for self-improvement.
Dr. Paulson says that, for most people, 80% of these self-evaluations are negative.
It’s almost impossible to maintain a positive attitude in the gym when your inner voice is constantly hammering you for “messing up.” After awhile, self-doubt erodes your confidence and you’ll be tempted to avoid speaking up at staff meetings or taking risks. Instead, you decide to keep a low profile.
Coaches who try to keep low profiles and are afraid to take chances are less likely to get promoted within their gyms. I am a pretty conservative coach in the gym, you can not eliminate risks you can only manage it. You need to take some educated chances that is the only way you will reach your gymnastics goals.
It’s important to challenge your critical inner voice.
Here are a few ways to do it:
1. Keep Your Antenna Up.
Be aware when your inner voice is saying “NO.” Ask yourself, “Why?” Try to discover the “real” reason you’re being self-critical.
2. Conduct an Impromptu Risk Assessment.
There is always going to be risk involved, ask, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Clearly, your instincts might be right and your inner voice is trying to keep you from making a horrendous mistake. But, if the nay saying becomes habitual, the real risks may not be as great as you think.
3. Rely on a Mentor or Trusted Colleague.
If you’re not sure that your inner criticism is justified, get a second opinion from another coach. In this day and age very few coaches are teaching a BRAND NEW skill. Someone has already done it. Someone has already gone down that road.
For example, let’s say you are putting in a new dismount and want to know when to take it into a routine. Your “gut instinct” told you “no.” So you keep with the old, the safe, not taking any chances. Ask your mentor or another coach who you have seen have gymnasts compete that skill, see what they say.
4. Celebrate Your Successes.
Some self-criticism is justified, but can you possibly be wrong (as the statistics suggest) 80 percent of the time? Celebrate those instances when you challenge your inner voice and something positive results.
5. Learn From Your Mistakes.
Obviously, you’re bound to make mistakes when you take risks. Instead of bashing yourself about what went wrong, concentrate on what you learned from the experience and how you’ll handle similar situations in the future.
6. End Each Day on a Winning Note.
When my family sits down at dinner at night we ask, “What was the best part of your day?”. This has since become a tradition at Gym Momentum Camp as well when all the coaches are together at night. Reflecting on your daily victories is important. Dr. Paulson suggests concluding each day by “catching yourself being effective.” He also says to “use your calendar to record one success. You may be winning and not know it if you’re not keeping score!”
When you can minimize the self-criticism, you can be more confident in who you are and what you are capable of doing in the gym. With this confidence you’ll trust yourself more and have the conviction to believe in your ideas. To go after your goals.
