“There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” Unknown
Dear Santa,
I’m writing to let you know that I’ve been naughty… and it was worth it
You fat, judgmental bastard.
” Gosh, I hope this never catches fire, It is Fire season and there are a lot of unexplained fires” My son when I gave him a bad gift as a joke last Christmas
“To think, I got this on the year when I vowed to give all my gifts to charity” My daughter when I gave her the ugliest Christmas sweater I could find.
“Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.” W. C. Fields
Christmas gift suggestions:
- To your enemy, forgiveness.
- To an opponent, tolerance.
- To a friend, your heart.
- To a customer, service.
- To all, charity.
- To every child, a good example.
- To yourself, respect.
“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call” Richard Lewis
“Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Hanukkah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.“ Koach.org
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.
